My MS journey with Heart attack and covid.

Saturday. 12th March 05.51

My first night in a Covid Ward, by Zenda trim.

Who would think on Sunday 6th March my life would change so much in a week. Saturday 5th i was sat at home minding my own business watching the birds in the garden, cuddling up to my lucy dog and watching the mental antics of my cat Leo. 

This morning i awake to groaning and moaning dark and dismissal rooftops and the heat which is enough to knock you backwards and a reminder of older times in the war oh so it seems with the dank and grey and dirty stained walls, dusty windows, and floor tiles with cracks and bits missing.

I wake up to a lovely cheerful face, Rosemary one of the nurses she has a great and happy disposition you cant help but smile at. SHE takes away my commode to issue me with a new one, complains about the heat (she is from Africa lol), and carries on attending to the older and more sick patients as it should be.  I think there are six of us.  We are in the red zone area. Just diagnosed so starting our covid journeys and self isolation. Funny that I thought our prime minister had stopped all of that how wrong was I.

I am stuck here as i had a heart attack and they were backed up with angiograms so by the time i could have one our ward had gone on lock down, then yeh i got the dreaded virus which I had kept away from for 2 years even denying myself companionship in order to keep myself safe. Stupidly i thought being taken to hospital i would be safe how wrong was I.

What is so much more concerning is that my ward had only just re-opened from a previous outbreak……………does that mean the virus can hide well i am not surprised if it can as my table has strips of wood and underneath them where there is no seal it was black gunge………the black of covid perhaps?

My MS is going mad with the heat, i still need to open my bowels. I am writing this watching the nurses attend to the sicker and older patients and think what the hell did i do to get this. Being isolated with a load of sick people.  I even put my mask on lol i know but still do i really want anymore virus germs. i am by the window which is open so have lovely free flowing air on me.  A bonus for sure.

The situation reminds me a bit of Cancer Ward by Aleksandr Solzhenitsyn where everyone is in one ward and you can learn from each other what brought you there how did the system fail us and how could this happen really in this day and age. The ward is testament to the failings of our system as we are assured everything is in place for our safety but it cant be can it.  How come people are getting infected when they have never been exposed before. Can the establishment blame it all on visitors bringing it in or failing tests no i dont think so. Virus thrive and hide in many places, cleaning has to be extra; then extra, disinfectant used for each space. I have laid in the cardiology ward ward watching the cleaner who just drags along a dirty fluffy floor mop from one place to the next a wash mop so black looking it makes your toes curl watching him. Are the staff being as vigilant as they should be, why is it the mortal man has to always be blamed for others failings?

I have done my duty and acted accordingly to keep me safe as the government asked me. I have had my 2 vaccines.  The 3rd one was booked and they never showed up TWICE to do it.  But it would not have made a difference to my outcome as i know as many with covid now with 3 vaccines then non.

Its a known fact ventilation is the key to stopping the virus and space and ventilation, so why am I sitting in an oven so hot you cant even touch the radiator, the nurses who mainly come from Africa and Asia are all too hot it cant be a good work atmosphere for them either can it.

So i spent my first night i slept reasonably ok. I was woken up at 1.30 by lights going on as patients needed attention, then 2.30 then i slept until 5am which is not actually bad for me. But I feel rotten as my MS is in free fall with the heat.

My symptoms are a fizzy tingly nose like i have hay fever.  My temp is fine, and my BP is 116/67 pulse 61, and oxy 100.  I have never woken up before to a BP with that measurement.

The nurses are working away quickly ad efficiently dealing with each patient quietly and quickly. 

I suppose one good thing i have on suite facilities with my commode, a view of the rooftops of a busy gloucester and oh yes T.V. what more could anyone ask for really.

I am going to sign off now, so night one is done.

I wonder if i will make it to the release…………………………………………green light.

radiator right by my bed on full blast
bottom of radiator
my rollator i am sat in my on suite
view from my window

DAY 2. 15.41. Have you ever heard the expression “COOKING ON GAS”? OH my goodness Gloucester Royal are wasting a ton of money on energy costs. I am not being stupid or am I, but its March now isnt it? The weather isnt too bad, so why do we need to run a radiator full length of the ward on ALL DAY running so hot you cant touch it, and the floor under is also hot too. I lay here imagining all these little covid viruses running around having a sunbath lol and infiltrating our systems whilst we lay ill in bed, why not add a bit more isnt it. I always thought it was a known fact that viruses love the heat and they multiple without venilation so why is it GRH are keeping the wards especailly in the Towers so hot? This is a designated covid ward so come on turn the heat down it also just drives up body temperatures surely? We need to be saving our planet and not wasting valuable resources with too much gas use. I just wish i could take the temperature to just show how hot it is in this ward. Come on GRH do the research make it a better more comfortable experience. Its hard enough kind of being ostracised to a ward dedicated to a virus that most of us have tried hard to avoid.

My temp in the cardio ward nice clean place with air vents was lovely and i was only 36.1. Today because I am cooking on gas this is 37.1. Just that degree is causing havoc with my MS, and the nurses are not comfortable either.

I did notice that most of the patients are elderely in this ward and the heat seems to be making them sleep all day, so is this a clever ruse to keep us quiet so the nurses dont have to rush around too much? You need less staff that way. Hummmmmm well I feel poopy so will sign off for now but hopefully will continue in the morning. Stay safe out there ok anyone can be carrying this virus so keep vigilent.

covid virus watching over us.

runny nose


fatigue (mild or severe)


sore throat

I had no real symptoms just a bit of a scratchy throat the night before, and I sneezed once but I do anyway as I drink ginger beer and it does that. That is all. At the moment I am not sure if my pain is from my MS nervous system having a melt down with the heat or what. I have had it like this before. Anyway dont ignore runny nose etc get a test as it shocked me mine was positive, when one of the patients was sat for days opposite me snotty and coughing and her tests were always negative go figure………(scratch head lol)

How come some people with loads of symptoms have negative tests and Asympotmatic end up with positive?

Hopefully will see you tomorrow fingers crossed. Oh no new lady fast asleep mouth open snoring it could be an interesting night lol.

Our lovely radiator full on.

Radiator full length of room on full blast.

14th March day 3.

yesterday my temperature went up a bit towards evening i think down to the heat it was 36.7 in the morning but last night 38.1. I slept ok though i was awoken by nurse at 1.00a.m. who was dealing with one of the older patients, but i went back to sleep until 5.30.

I can honestly say I feel like I have a cold this morning, my nose is a bit runny and I feel achey. So not sure if this is the start of it. I had a covid test this morning, i cant see it being negative. I have heard from friends who have had it that it can take upto 10 days to get clear tests, gosh I hope not as i want to go home. I cant have my angiogram until its clear.

Yesterday was really sad as one of our patients isnt doing well, she is elderly diabetic and refused to eat or drink or even take a tablet. I was listening to the nurse trying to coax her to eat but she was having non of it. She is in terrible pain and when they try to move her she cries it is heartbreaking I just want to go to her and cuddle her. I now have had first hand expereince of how covid affects the elderey its not good, so keep your parents safe.

This virus is now affecting younger people as well as I have seen a few in here so no one is now safe from it. Yes many get it mild but not everyone does, and mild to someone maybe devistating to someone else.

Its still too hot in here if anything if possible it is hotter.

I have to say that the NHS nurses are amazing so kind and they work really hard too. I said to one yesterday dont you worry about catching it she said no, and so far never has. they always wear masks but still they are breathing in an atmosphere of virus, i admire them putting their lives on the line, to keep us well. They are truly amazing and i applaude them.

I am sure it can be a thankless job. I for one clap for them.

clap for our carers.

Day 4. 15th March.

They come they go its like being let out of prison when you see the joy on the faces of the escapees. WE ARE FREEEEEEEEEEE!!!!

Sadly a few hours later another detainee arrives bundled up feeling sorry for themselves bewildered what is going to happen to them. Some are elderely with dementia they dont know whats happening. Our new lady Joy who came yesterday is so sweet but when she wakes you up at 2am in the morning asking you what time it is lol, and where is her daughter not so much. It must be hard for the nurses to have to deal with this, as they are exhausting. The times they had to rescue her walking out of the ward she may be old but boy she is nifty lol. She can run like an unbridled filly lol. I watched the nurse chase after her as she was hot footing it out to find her family i wish i could walk that fast. She came in here after a fall then got covid oh dear “SIGHS” that is the 3rd one since i came in. Just what can i say how can it be happening?

As I ponder this mystery I have race horsing going on in one ear on our telly on the wall, and I think the sounds of Emmerdale coming from the outer wards lol. Its manic you need to rest people tell me yes of course I do so i come to hospital for just that oh I do like a joke. Its manic all the time. I am lying alseep at night wake up by what I can only describe a handsome face I think from Maori decent, as i woke fully he called my name and i could see the tattoo all down one arm, he said he was there to take bloods. 2.30 in the morning seriously? He was not too old with a rugged handsome face I immediately thought of New Zealand and his home what was he doing here so far away from where he was born (well I assumed). He had a distinctive tatoo i wonder what story it was telling, then I shook myself awake looking at him, seriously bloods now. Yes something to do with I.V. antibiotics I had earlier in the day. It didnt take long he soon found a good vein and I was able to go back to sleep it was about 3am by then.

I could see a lovely tatoo down one arm he was fit looking lol but sadly dressed. Its the drugs I am allowed tee hee

Mrs trim, Mrs trim, I was woken by a male voice I have come to do your BP I kind of sat up and there was the male staff nurse by me. They were very short staffed so i think he was slumming it. My BP was lower then it had been but nothing to worry about, it was just gone 5.30, and oh no the wanderer was awake, so no more sleep it was denied me.

So I sat up and sorted myself out and did some emailing to friends in the states. Soon it was ward rounds and I was feeling like poop.

I said to the nurse I wasnt sure if it was the antibiotics, the MS, Covid, or the water infection but boy I felt like poop. The doctor was coming later so I just rested until she turned up. She arrives with her laky who pushes a computer and inputs notes whilst she is talking.

Doctor with assitant

She asked how I felt well I told her not well she said it was down to the new heart meds they were driving my blood pressure down too much and would be making me feel like that, so they had taken them out. So now I assume I will get used to another one. I told her about having bloods done at 2.30 “WHAT”, she said why did they do that we only needed it doing in the morning lol. Well really perhaps 2.30 is morning for the vampire blood bank. Anyway as an update she said basically once they get the blood pressure stablised they will be very happy my other stats are good. I mentioned about being told to walk a lot and she said no, for now do what you can as you will be tired with the medication, the MS and the covid. SO that was a relief.

New stats were good 133/60, pulse 60, oxy 100, and temp finally 36.1. Hoorah.

Consensus. COVID.

I have asked about this how did you feel in the ward. Well so far most of the people in here didnt even have symptoms. They were found out as they were in hosptial for something else, so having routine tests before tests, then it would be positive and because they are under the care of the hospita;l stay within the care until the are clear and can go back to their wards or homes.

Mostly over a few days they have had runny nose, a bit sratchy throat and some go on to develop coughs. One thing they all agree on was pain. achey really bad some would cry at night for paracetamol. The achey pain seemed to last 2 days as is the case with myself. My trouble is i dont know the difference between the pain of the Covid or the pain of my MS. Being well does not exclude you from being covid free as i was shocked when mine came back positive you could have literally knocked me down with a feather.

its 3pm now and i am fading so will sign this off and hope I can get this ryme out of my head.

A pocket full of posies
A tissue, a tissue
We all fall down

The king has sent his daughter
To fetch a pail of water
A tissue, a tissue
We all fall down

The robin on the steeple
Is singing to the people
A tissue, a tissue
We all fall down

The wedding bells are ringing
The boys and girls are singing
A tissue, a tissue
We all fall down

ATCHOOOOOOO stay safe.

Day 5 and 6 – 16th & 17th

what a night really Wednesday. I was zonked out until 3.58 woken by the new lady stood over me trying to get my attention and nurses chasing after her.  she had a stick and they were trying to get her to calm down and she got angry she could be dangerous i suppose.  I feel sorry for her she shouldnt be in here but in a special ward. she has needs and the nurses dont have time to chase after her. then i just got to sleep again and woken for blood pressure etc all good and temp normal. then off she went again walking across the room trying to steel a ladies banana. now let me get this right this women has covid and is spreading it around touching this ladies banana, the tables and things its not exactly healthy is it. so then i am just settling to chat and the blood man came again it was like never ending. 

I must admit I had a total melt down when the lady opposite me was allowed to go home she came in same time as me. She still had a small clot in her leg but they were releasing her even though she had not had a free test.

I cant tell you my lovely readers how I felt. I was hot, tired, in pain and dispirited. I couldnt see my family and I was trapped. I just lost it, cried; my heart was hurting I felt so lonely and alone was I to ever get out of this hot box and go home. My heart ached for my little dog lucy missing her so much, missing my family normalcy and she was going home because her daughter was a nurse.

my lovely lucy with my grandson she must be so confused.

I had the ward assistant guy come to see me. I told him, its too hot for me in here I just feel ill, hot and depressed its making my MS hurt so bad I cant bare the pain, just miss my family my pets no one is telling me when my time is up to leave this place. He came back about ten minutes later. Said to me if you dont test clear day six; you will have a release on Monday and go back to the cardio ward then have your angiogram. Hopefully then my time should be over and I can go home to my pets and family and normal life. If it will ever be normal again.

At this point he leant against the radiator and jumped back quickly; lol he had scolded his bottom…………….should I have stifed my snigger but really poor old me has been suffering with this heat for days its dangerous having radiators red hot.

Well now 2 hours later suddenly it was all action going on, as he came back and a nurse had a cooling fan for me, then I was told they were moving me to a cooler bay so the rest of my day 5 was moving and resettling elsewhere in the ward but cooler bay. BLISS. Its still warm but you could feel the cool air from the corridor as well. Shame the decor is not conducive to a happy place.

wall by the side of my bed.

Day 6th – 17th March. I woke up in my new bay. It was super cool, yes I know COOL. Hum sleep; well would have been ok but as luck would have it my new opposite neighbour a sweet 93 year I have dubbed speedy Gonzale as boy she can move fast lol, was up and down from about 2a.m. chatting to herself and calling for someone. Eventually after using my lovely trusty commode I fell alseep until 6a.m. to be woken again by the blood man who actually was running this bay last night. I learnt a little more about him, he has 2 children and has a need for things to be tidy and in place every table was wiped clean no rubbish or bits allowed, it was like an Army inspection lol, but I passed muster as all my rubbish bits are stored in a rubbish bag, my table is kept tidy and clean so let the games begin to see who can outmatch each other with the need for tidiness lol. I did get a gold star for having a tidy table lol.

I laugh as using pigeons as illustration for tidiness kind of defeats an object if one has kept them at any time.

Day 6 is my day for a start to walk more and get better. I still feel as though I am looking through a fog as this is caused by very strong antibiotics and a change in my blood pressure tablets.

As to covid. Well for me my bladder and MS is more an issue, but covid for me is like hayfever, with a few sneezes and the need to blow my nose. My temperature has been down 3 days. The temperature though could have been down to a water infection and the heat not sure. What I would love right now is some vaseline for my nose and bigger tissues, but lets see how it goes today.

Release date either way is Monday 21st March. ACT HAPPY DAY.

We can choose to live righteously and be happy. The Dalai Lama once said that happiness is created from our actions, not something ready-made. Life will certainly have times when we feel pressured, stressed, even in a state of “helplessness” when we cannot find joy in what we are doing. However, creating a habit of positive thinking and action can bring happiness, and you can absolutely strive to be happy in life. Act Happy Day is celebrated every year on every 3rd Monday in March, celebrated to encourage people to act as if you feel happy, joyful and fulfilled. Besides, Act Happy Day also highlights the benefits of happiness, humor, laughter for each of us.

“Happiness is the ultimate goal of human existence, the thought and purpose of each individual’s life.”

The Greek philosopher Aristotle said these words more than 2,000 years ago, and they still hold true today. Happiness is a form of energy that describes the experience of positive emotions. Often happiness is equated with joy, contentment, and contentment. One striking study shows that everyone tend to want to be happy and being happy doesn’t just make you feel better – it actually offers a host of potential health benefits………………….


DAY 7 and 8. 18th-19th March

Sad day for me as my neighbour Sue was allowed to leave even though she was only day 7 and didnt require a test for GO. So she had no idea or not if she was clear of covid or not. I have noted a lot of people test at day 7 and still show POSITIVE, so she was worried actually about going home and still being positive for covid for her familys sake. A nurse aid gave some sort of weird explanation why one doesnt need to do this anymore which made no sense to either of us. I firmly believe she was only going home as they are desperate for beds, and she has family who can care for her. The second lady a sweet Asian who wasnt in long and had a horrible cough was also released early, again family took her home. Both of these patients were still on heavy medication, still suffering affects of their covid and had no proof they were clear. Perhaps I am being dense here so if they are still positive they are going back into the community with it to spread it more. Perhaps someone reading this can explain it to me?

I asked about my own circumstances i have had it mild compared, I was told I am different as my next stage is to go back to cardio ward, so now have to have completed my 10 days isolation hell before for me; its Let’s Go………

It was a sad day as Sue, was amusing with her views on life, and chatting about her erant sons lol, but it broke up the days. Now I have no idea who the new people are they all cough that is one constant not quite so much in their favour.

Observation of covid: it may be mild yes for some but mild for others can be devistating. One thing that is noticeable from the few they all do have underlying illnesses, Sue was very asthmatic. Hers started with a breathing issue not addressed by her ventolin, she also had COPD. The other lady was diabetic, we have a few in here diabetic. Sue was issued a neboliser but seemed to need it as much when she was leaving as when she first came. I really am worried for me I see 2 people going home but neither are fully well either. Very worrying isnt it are we this stretched we have to send out the old to make room for new before the old are even new again? Kind of scary for me to be honest.

Doctors update: I met another doctor yesterday on rounds his name was Charlie, very kind of laid back relaxed leaning against the wall to talk to me about what was happening. I asked him straight out what is going on and why must I stay in hospital, no one has explained it to me.

He said well what do you know? Not much just that I still have to get an angiegram and i am going back to cardio ward on Monday. He said yes we would prefer you to have the angiegram, as the ECG clearly showed you have a blocked artery and we need to find out where, how bad and hopefully clear it. If we let you home before we do it ………….consequences could be pretty bad. Now he also said there was a busy queue for these, so well looking at him straight in the eye quite succintly I said your not telling me much really so let me get this straight I could go to cardio and use it as a waiting room and the point is just how long is the queue for the appointment?

How long is the queue?

Now dont try to bullshit me Charlie I am not stupid nor am I dense, but no way will I be stuck in cardio ward waiting for an appointment which was my space already only reason why I didnt get it is because of a PCR stick showing I had covid. So the queue would have moved up by one wouldnt it. Of course I was polite to him and said look ok, I will comprimise if I have not got an appointment by the Friday that I can happily work with, then I will have to go home, for my own mental health no chance can I just sit around all day waiting when I have my little family to care for and I miss. He said they worry it might happen again.

So are you saying to me, that I definately had a heart attack? He looked at me, oh errm let me go check your blood results……………….he came back with a yellow form and some notes and said yes you did, and the consensus is we need to find out why. OK readers, tell me this why on earth didnt they just sit me down from the get go and tell me this in the first place. They could have used plain english. Mrs Trim you had a heart attack, we found out a possible reason for it, we want you safe etc so we can stop it happening again………….! Now really how hard would that have been?

So what would you do? Wait and miss your home which is causing you enormous stress or risk it and go home?

Answers on a postcode

Interesting I have just met the one of the new occupants of covid hell. For now I will simply dub her the wandering bag lady. A women of indeterminate age long straggly hair and a long cardy and kind of blank vacant look has walked passed me carrying two bags for at least an hour back and forth………………………….now this could be interesting……………….the adventures of the bag lady already in my mind..………….back do day 8.

Talk later stay safe.

Using this image is not an exageration.

UPDATE. Day 9 20th March.

No different to any other day although the night previous i barely slept because of new patients coming in late, and also I had issues with my bladder which kept me awake, but the morning finally arrived for me to see 2 new neighbours.

One next to me I could have become great friends with we hit it off straight away. Her story was like mine. Shall I bore you with it or not……… hum yeh why not.

the new lady yesterday i felt so sorry for her she is 91 and she looks about 70. She came in like me as she was in pain although in her stomach you can see its swollen.

The doctors were investigating her for liver failure or other issues and like me she got covid in the hospital. So is like me now dumped in covid ward. she was like me really depressed as she missed her home and garden. she cant just sit about for 10 days she needs tests to find out what is wrong. Whilst she is in covid ward she has to have the tests put on hold. The system is crazy. you go in for help and end up with covid and dumped. This lady I will call her Doris, her health is now in jeopordy as she is clearly ill with something bad going on, like she said covid is the least of her worries. Also like me she isnt ill with covid.

Its SHOCKING no its bloody MIND BLOWING, you can take a ride in an ambulance feeling like hell not well and all you want is to find out what is happening. Innocently you are manovred about the place, you have no idea what is wrong with you, and your scared and vulnerable. You just submit to the tests and hope they find out what is wrong and they can fix it. Little do you realise that the wards you are taking too are contaminated with covid. Little do you know that the next test comes back positive, and your life is then suddenly throwing you a curb ball. Little do you know that point of being told you have covid your life is about to change for 10 days of hell. That is Doris story, I feel bad now as i wont find out what happened to her, but I did give her my telephone number, I hope she rings me.

In the afternoon the ward sister came up to me and said I have news for you we are moving you to ward 9a we are doing a swap with a covid patient for you, as you have now done your 10 day isolation. Unfortunately there are no beds at the moment in cardio so you will go there until one is available. Well I was taken aback i must admit as i worked it out day 10 on the 21st but they obviously work it out differently. So the key to the prison door was offered me I could leave…….but my heart kind of sunk as i would be leaving my new buddies, the 4 of them who in a short time we had made friends and were kind of keeping each other going. My stomach fumbled a bit as where the hell was I going……………..ward 9A was and is the TOP OF THE TOWER. “Gulps” I am not good with heights. I was told it used to be the private ward area.

Well as per usual nothing is made easy is it. I was bundled up all my stuff dumped around me, supper came and went and I was still there waiting….waiting. finally at 9pm I was told the swap was on and off we jolly well went………………to top of the tower. I wonder if i would me raponzul…………

Rapunzols tower………..

Has anyone got a parachute I can borrow……………….. Up up and away………….

22nd March second day in new ward in the Tower.

Well have to say I slept nearly from 9pm to 7am last night i have never done that I dont think since my kiddies were growing up lol. It took me ages to wake up as my brain isnt used to so much sleep. Its so quiet in a room on your own even being high up has its advantages. I even use my space to walk around a few times to get the old blood circulating. Virtually left to my own devices as really not meant to be in medical acute ward, so why should they worry too much over me, they are busy enough. It was the only place available.

I want to ponder a moment on the reasons for me writing this journey. My intentions was to share my journey with family and friends and also I find it quite cathatartic. I did not want to however, scare anyone from going into hospital in case they got covid, but how do I not include all this in my writing as its a big part of my story. The reality sadly is there is a risk of getting covid if you go into hospital for something else. This should no way be the case what is the answer? When you go into hospital scared and frightened you dont expect to have things added to the burden but this is without doubt the reality right now.

The point is why is this happening really? When I was in cardio ward where i got covid, I was told there had just been an outbreak in there and it was only just reopened the week i went in. If that is the case was the ward cleaned properly? The one lady who got it first had been in hospital for 7 days, so got it in the cardio ward. How and why? The staff wear masks seem to use sanitiser but why did this happen. I barely spoke to her, so how come I caught it off her so quickly? She barely came near me just for a quick chat but not close.

Its like a sherlock Holmes mystery……………….who is the culprit?

What do you think Watson…..

Hum well there is something actually I did notice when I was in there. I had a bedside table/trolley that you can use for laptops, food and things. I did notice something which did concern me and I sent a photo to a friend as it bothered me. The table had dowels around the edge to stop food falling off etc. Between the dowl and the table it had no selant whatsoever. It was black grimy gunky disgusting made my skin scrawl.

sorry photo wasnt that good but hope you can see the black.

Using a pen i could scrape the black now I used to be a head housekeeper at a large hotel and had very hight standards, for me that is just a no no. It was before I got covid, so was the virus hiding under there waiting for the warmth of a body as the other lady had same trolley. You could envisage little viruses running along the wood to find victims. A trolley like this should not be allowed the dowel to wood should be sealed properly.

Then you are in the covid ward right. Well surely that should be kept absolutely spotless? You would think wouldnt you nope. The toilet was disgusting. It was cleaned maybe once in the morning, and by evening it was splat central. Toilet roll on the floor, the floor never cleaned well, the corners of doors etc were thick with dirt, on the wall there was a reset button for when a patient used the alarm pull. This button was orange. As I sat on the toilet after wiping it over with antibacterial wipes i looked up and the button was BLACK. Puke how many dirty fingers had pressed that? Gaps in skirting boards breeding grounds. Surely the toilet should be inspected in the middle of the day, and cleaned?

Its not covid I would be worried about actually but other things like noro virus and sickness bugs etc. A toilet should be kept really clean surely. ALL these things are lacking in basic hygeine, is this why a spread?

2 days ago now I had a new nurse come to me before I left she was handing out medication. She had a normal blue mask on and it was located under her nose. I immediatley put my mask on. Yes I did, as she was coughing and sounded like she had a cold. No way did I want a cold on top of everything else, but why was she allowed to be handing out drugs to people without being properly protected. This is fact I even mentioned it to my daughter as I was worried. I am not sure if by putting my mask on it made this nurse think but later she had another mask on underneath. Could it be such silly little errors are causing this virus to spread so fast in hospitals? Something is obviously not working is it.

Maybe independant people need to be employed to check all protocols are kept. The trouble is if the staff go off sick with covid, it leaves wards short staffed, and patients then get fed up of waiting for call buttons to be answered, and having the basic care administered to them. It also puts enormous stress on the staff who are at work, so its all counter productive and costing more in lots of ways. Something has to be done for the good of the patients and the hard work staff too.

So yes there is a risk going into hospital so be fully warned and armed, make sure you are fully vaccinated, support your immune system by just taking a regular Vitimin D tablet adding some zinc these things we can do for ourselves. Ventilate your homes get active so if you do end up in a ward you have more chance of fighting it. I was only double vaccinated. The reason was twice the district nurse didnt turn up and then I wasnt feeling well so never got round to it.

However, my covid was a non event. If i had been at home to be honest I would have thought it was a touch of hayfever. Yes I had a bit of aching but I ache with my MS anyway, also had a mild temperature, but nothing after a few days. I was shocked the test was positive.

I spent 2 years of my life protecting myself and my family. 2 years of isolation as I was scared of getting covid, now I have had this journey I realise its like a mass hysteria, the actual event is nothing like the portrayal.

I am just so mad that because I caught it in hospital it has screwed up a special test which is stopping me going home. Its not just about having caught covid, it is the knock on effect to the rest of my journey and health. If i hadnt got covid in hospital I would be home now and recovering and safe instead of which I am decling in health and weight and my mental health has done a nose dive…………..all because I wasnt safe where I should have been.

So for now my journey has ground to a halt until I get my long awaited angiogram. Once I have had that I can go home and start to live again but this time not in fear but in determination. You have “Nothing to Fear (But Fear Itself)

23rd March 2022. OUT WITH COVID, IN WITH HEART ——–

22nd March was very strange for me. I woke up ok, not too bad I actually slept nearly all night without waking a miracle in itself. I had my stats taken all good. I was just resting when I felt odd like my ears had gone on strike and I couldnt quite hear right. Anyway I decided to ask the nurse to help me walk to the toilet for some exercise and I really did feel queer. It was a struggle to the toilet I have to say. I got there and when I came out I heard a nurse say to another I was being moved to a bay not moving to Cardio but dragged from my room and moved to a bay bed. In all this my brain acknowledged the words you have VISITORS, I turned around and there was my beautiful daughter Miranda with my grandson Conner stood watching me.

I totally flipped I just lost it I was inconsolable crying so hard my heart was hurting my daughter was there a few feet away I hadnt seen her for over 2 weeks I just lost it. I don’t remember much just my sobbing was hurting me it was a combination of relief and seeing her I grabbed hold of her for dear life, I just wanted her to take me home I held onto her tightly “crying I cant take no more, I cant, its all too much. I want to go home, I cant move again unless its to cardio, I had no strength left. I have lost a lot of weight in hospital nothing of me.

Between the nurse and my daughter they got me back to my room and back on the bed, so I could calm down. I finally did. My daughter told me she had complained, and before I knew it the same nurse came back in and said “good news” your going back to cardio this afternoon, those words had an instant calming for me, FINALLY I was starting the end of this journey and with luck would be going home. A Doctor and his side kick came in and chatted with me; kind of apologising that I got covid in their hospital, they would do everything they could to expediate my angigram.

So anyway my daughter stayed with me an hour and gave me some salad she had brought with her and some fruit, and I managed to settle back down. I hated to see her go but I knew finally I was moving in the right direction.

2 hours later I was packed up and brought back down to cardio ward and given a private room with toilet and shower. It was heaven I didnt care about a private room, the atmosphere was so different and my nurses from the beginning came to greet me and get me settled back down, it was almost like coming home………………

They made me comfy, then one of them said, “tomorrow you are going for your angiegram” its all booked……………………………..

So here we are the 23rd March. My bloods have been taken, and my hand canular has been fitted, ready for my next stage of the journey. I am nervous my stomach is somersaulting but just got to get through this, and finally will I go home?

I prayer they find nothing wrong I keep thinking the ECG has been a mistake as I eat so healthy, dont smoke or drink, my only sin is lack of exercise which isnt down to my choice but the restrictions of Progressive MS. I do walk as much as I can without overdoing it, I try not to take loads of pain killers, I use my writing and my computer as my mindfulness, it keeps me occupied, but 2 years of isolation quite honestly more then likely took its toll.

I did that to keep away from SARS COV2 as I was told too, but now on reflection what was the point? The one place I had assumed I would be safe infected me with it, 2 years of being careful all thrown out of the window. BUT was it devine intervention in some perverse way? Was God telling me to face up to my fears and live my life instead of hiding away from it, look where it got me, a 10 day stay in hell.

I have lived all over the world, seen some amazing things, how did I get so weak to allow the thought of a virus to take over my life. The experience of the covid ward will always be with me, I wake up thinking about it and I go to sleep thinking about it, as it really had a profound affect on my mental health, how people can be treated this way all lumped together, in an archaic hosptial ward, sadly dirty, paint flaking off the walls, and the heat so high you could barely catch a breath.

The difference between the covid ward and cardio for example is like night and day. Cardio is super clean, and modern, covid ward is the TOWER where we go to take our punishment thats how it felt. I was being punished, I got covid from the hospital and instead of making me comfortable to work through it I was sent for penance lol. Like if we hide you away no one will notice the amount of patients catching it in hospital lol. Come on guys its nuts.

I go to cardio ward right its lovely and outside my window are men planting long grasses and making gravel setting for benches, it was like the twighlight world. Spending money on making an area look nice, when that money could have gone to paint a few walls in the covid ward, to make the ward less scary a few paintings hanging up cheerful stuff, paint the radiator, it wouldnt take much, instead they are spending money landscaping an area I am not even sure how you access it lol.

You couldnt make it up, its barmy just barmy. That area out of my window will need constant update so is going to have an ongoing cost where a bit of paint its just done isnt it, no more maintenance. Seems to me the people in their ivory tower have lost the plot…………………..

right I am having my breakfast and my last drinks of the day. I have to get ready to go for my angigram. Keep your fingers crossed friends for me, I am trying not to poop myself lol (again), but I am a bit nervous.



23rd March. WE HAVE LIFT OF.


I DID IT……………YOU would be so proud of me.  I had my angiogram. I was waiting all morning when 2 guys came and got me. i was bricking it lol. god my stomach was in turmoil. I was gently taken on a trolley to the ambulance. I had one guy in with me who put me at my ease and chatted to me about all kinds of things. Actually we put the world to rights in the journey which was fun and the driver loved cars so I was telling him all about Mike and I’s classic car collection. We got to hospital quite quickly. Cheltenham is an old spa town. full of regency buildings. if you like architecture its the place to go. some buildings are stunning. i went past all that its amazing.

oh my god the hospital is lovely so clean. how a hospital should be. By this time I swear my knees were knocking, the butterflys in my stomach having a good time and really I just wanted to run away.

Stop being a baby I scolded myslef you have been through worse. My 2 gallant men pushed me to the ward bay where my bed was. I was left there to wait for someone to come and talk to me, thankfully didnt have to wait long. The nurse cant remember his name explained what was going to happen and they wouldnt keep me long. I would have another nurse along to take stats which happened quickly. I had to change into one of those sexy backless no closing gowns and put placed back on another trolley where a porter pushed me on the journey through bright clean corridors to the dreaded Angiography  department

Not sure what I expected really; in my mind it was like some sort of space station with T.V. screens and masked technicians or something but where I did arrive well really I had to giggle the outer room looked like a storeroom lol. There were boxes stacked everywhere, and clothing on a rail it looked like someone had just had a car boot sale ha ha, really.

Suddenly to the left of me part of the wall slid back it was a huge door a tiny nurse struggling to slide it lol. once fully open it revealed a long bed, by the side a massive tv screen. All I could think of was wow who cleaned that screen lol it was a bit blurry in places like someone hadn’t polished it off ha ha I know the things that go through your mind obviously Mr Sheen didnt do his job. 

Over ahead was what looked like an xray machine. Seemed a lot of people nurses and technicians all falling over each other, it was all so busy i didn’t have time to be scared.  Several nurses transferred me from my bed to this trolley next to the screen and gently I was placed in position.

One tiny nurse said would you like to watch something on the screen oh yes please, what would you like well anything with animals would do for me. Next thing I know is a daft cockerel strutting his stuff in cartoon was walking along the screen so funny, then dolphins and underwater fish and manta rays it was quite calming and made me relaxed. Another nurse asked if I would like sedation oh yes please no hesitation there I can tell you.

Suddenly I had men all around technicians explaining what they would be doing and I was readied with the catheter in my arm I didnt feel it at all as suddenly a nice warm glow went through me as the sedation hit my blood stream DO WHAT YOU LIKE I DONT CARE was in my head, and it all went in a blur. I could see on the left spiders running around the screen and could hear two men talking to each other about what they could see and how to adjust but to me it meant very little.

Cheltenham old Spa has beautiful architecture a lot of Regency buildings well worth the visit

The radiographer spoke to me a few times, In my haze I heard him call my name he was referring with a colleague and I heard them say thats a big one check it, or something like that.  He did say they had found a large artery in front of the heart which might need a stent, so they were going to just double check it or words like that. I was beyond caring to be honest.

Upshot was there is an artery it is showing signs of issues but they both felt it was duable to fix it with meds for now as stents are intrustive.  so I ended up being disengaged from all the machinery and taken back to ward. Talk about anti climax lol.

When they removed the catheter a nurse placed a weird pressure bandage on my wrist which was pumped with air. God it hurt I had to keep my arm still and report if any blood came below this bandage.

So basically I have a blockage starting but for  now its not bad enough to stent, so will have to go on long term meds to keep it from getting worse.

The fact my diet was so good is my savings to be honest as it saved me from the blockage being worse so healthy is best for sure. If my artery can show signs of this then what are peoples arteries like who eat poorly and smoke and drink. 

So I shall keep on eating good and hope I dont have another event in the meantime.  I need to live a stressless life and get more healthy.  The threat is still there but at least now my BP is better controlled too and i will have rehabilitation. 

Its a wake up call isnt it.  No matter how boring; you have to eat right, and the best foods for heart.  Gosh if i hadnt i cant imagine what might have happened to me, I really would have probably had a major heart attack.  What happened to me was mild to some but just as dangerous overall. So next time you reach for that packet of biscuits you dont really need spare a thought to your heart who works hard for us to keep us alive and healthy, without it well we cant survive, so I am going to make more friends with mine now and try to keep it safer. A hard lesson made; Never become complacent. nothing in life is certain – only death.

Pressure bandage ouch ouch ouch and double ouch.



BOY its been a long old journey i never thought i would get to the end safely. I have been confined 18 days. Why oh why did I bother to ring 999 in the first place should have taken my chances at home. Before I went in I had a scare very high blood pressure which wouldnt go down it was like 225/120 and kept high even with deep breathing. I had no idea what chasm I was opening between my feet lol. I have been in hell and then back out to more stable ground but still in hospital.

I went in thinking my BP just needed attention in some way oh my goodness how wrong was I. I ended up with, Heart Attack, water infection which would only go on nuke drugs, covid and Progessive MS.

Well eliminated hopefully the covid, the water infection, my MS is so stirred up its unreal, and I am now on life long drugs to maintain my heart.

What is so annoying is if I had not got covid off the cardio ward on 11th March just a few days after admission I would have had my angigram and been long home by now. So many people going into the hospital for problems or procedures and ended up catching covid in hospital, which then delays their treatment, and they get worse, which is not a very good combination is it.

I dont know what the answer is. Perhaps all visitors must do an LFT before they are allowed in the wards it seems such a simple solution cant imagine why no one has thought of it before. The government will have a ton of LFT left over as I doubt many people are going to buy them. SO use them to stop the spread……….or………..

is this a plot by the government to actually spread the virus to everyone achieving herd immunity? Which is not ideal it is better to use vaccination but I suppose they have come to a halt with the take up of the vaccine and perhaps this is the only way to complete it. If you want to understand more about herd immunity The Who have a good article about it.

So I can go home, I am very nervous as I have lost my confidence but I hope with a bit of rehab and care from my friends and family and decent food I will soon be back to normal strength, enjoying my home and my little garden and my lucy and leo.

I want to thank you for following my journey. I know its not quite finished yet will be a bit more I am sure as I have to next have an MRI to check my heart. BUT I will keep you updated if there are any new developments.

I want all my friends and family who have read this to go safe, and just enjoy the life you have. We will get through this crisis together it just needs patience and common sense.

Also for all the lovely mums out there Happy Mothers Day.


I want to dedicate my blessings to the most beautiful Mother in the world who left us in 2016 to join my Dad you are both missed so much.

My mum left us February 2016 now in heaven HAPPY MOTHERS DAY.

11 thoughts on “My MS journey with Heart attack and covid.”

  1. What a read. Covid lurks in all the hidden nooks and cranny’s. Hoping your be well enough to return home soon. What an enlightened read. I work in a care home so some of it I completely understand. Stay safe x


    1. Hi Di, i honestly believe that the source of infection for me was my bedside table. It was wood, with lips around the edges to stop things falling off. Now see in one of my lives I was a head housekeeper at a large hotel and had very high standards. As I sat with my laptop I could see that the lip (dowel) was attached but had a very small gap all around as it wasn’t sealed, the BLACK GUNGE underneath made me squirm ugh……all those hidden little germies waiting to pounce. So the virus can be shedding off the humans and sliding under to join the rest of the viruses nestling nice and warm waiting for a victim. WHY do they have tables designed like that were they a cheap job lot?

      Also why are high maintenance patients in with us. The new lady is constantly walking about especially at night waking everyone up, she doesn’t understand, its so sad to see her, and this added work puts pressure on the all ready hard working staff. I have to say the staff are amazing and work so hard and they don’t need this. The lady is clearly suffering with dementia/Alzheimer’s. It’s also not hygienic either as for example at 7am she was up walking across to another vulnerable ladies table touching her banana and food.

      I think GRH need to employ independent sanitary people to come through and do a thorough cleaning and swab inspection. xx


  2. Very interesting blog. Will you send it to head of NHS. It’s totally disgusting the lack of hygiene and it surprises me that a person has to self isolate and have a PCR test a couple days before hospital admission. Is all for nothing


    1. I had a negative PCR test when i went into hospital and was taken to cardio ward. so it didnt come from me it came from either the staff, visitors or poor cleaning, although the cardio ward was much cleaner then the others i was in.

      Not sure the NHS are interested to be honest. they just need to sort things out and get proper strict protocols in place that everyone works too.

      the cleaning is a joke its just a long handle with a push squeezy thing they run along the floors really cant believe the standard of cleaning its ridiculous. xxx glad your enjoying it. xxxxx it is therapy for me.


      1. So pleased you are writing this blog so I can keep up to date on what’s been happening to you. Great that your heart is now under control and you don’t have to have an operation, makes me think about diet too, especially as Peter has had a heart operation too.

        Liked by 1 person

  3. Amazing read Zenda, so pleased you are back home now.

    Quite the insight as to the goings on, behind closed doors within the covid wards, and the failings of what can only be the nhs management. Let’s hope they too get to read this blog, and understand it from the side of the patients. Not saying in anyway your care was of poor quality, but that of the management decisions around that on the environment had failed hugely.


    1. Yes the NHS staff worked tirelessly and there were also quite a few students from Gloucester University there doing long shifts but they were all so caring and amazing. I think its down to poor management for sure, I watched and learnt. THE trouble is they get bank nurses and they dont turn up for a shift as they may have a better offer, so that leaves the staff short staffed. The bank nurses dont seem to have consequences.

      There are quite a few patients who sadly have dementia or alzehimers in the wards mixed in and they really do take a huge amount of work. Its very sad broke my heart with a few of them who were scared and just kept calling for their husband or why were they in there. One night i hardly slept as one lady ran the nurses ragged.

      This means other patients are waiting for attention and get annoyed with the staff when its not their fault. I really dont know what the answer is but I have to say all the nurses and staff were very hard working, and I could never complain about any of them.


  4. Heheh, I just had open heart surgery. The discharge criterion included navigating two flights of stairs and varied hallways unassisted, showing competence in multiple stretches, being able to cough, and pooping – ya know, things made difficult by MS in general. Nonetheless, I couldn’t get out of the hospital soon enough. I’m an ocean away from you but, suffice to say, the state of our hospitals is similar.

    I managed to go home after four days, my primary motivation was my OCD screaming at the overall disrepair of the place. Trust me, choosing to give up IV morphine after getting your chest cracked open is a big deal, but such was the creep factor. Like you, I found the professionals were wonderful and caring, but oofda – the crumbling infrastructure was distressing.

    Glad I found your blog. Hope you’re doing well.


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s